Finding my voice

For most of my 39 years I have skated by with minimal effort.  I got As and Bs in high school without really trying much.  Had I done more than the minimum expected of me, I would have really soared instead of skated.  College was harder so I dropped out and followed a series of mindless, tedious jobs without ever actually pursuing a career.  When I married and had Tyler I was able to focus on them rather than myself.  Then Riley came along and she needed so much attention that I was free from having to figure out what I wanted!  What she needed was just so much more important than anything else!

Yet still I had fallen into this rut of just “letting” everything happen around me.  I placed myself at the calm center of the storm.  That place where nothing happens… nothing grows or changes.  It’s really kind of a crappy place to be, in retrospect.

Now that I’m two states away from my husband and my kids are developing their independence I’ve found myself with a lot more “me time” than I’m used to.  It’s time to decide what I want to do when I grow up because I kind of grew up when I wasn’t watching!

I’ve always loved to write.  It’s almost like putting together a jigsaw puzzle without the picture.  “Does this word go here?  Or is this a better fit?”  And I have certain areas about which I am quite passionate.

I think the experiences that most shaped my passions are all the times I felt I wasn’t being listened to or taken seriously.  I used to let people get away with that nonsense and then go home and cry about it.  I can’t pinpoint the moment it happened.  Maybe it was when I finally got a diagnosis on my arm injury.  After being in intense pain for about half of my life at the time, I finally found validation.  And I liked it!  Or maybe it was when I went through the diagnosis process with my daughter.  It was probably a cumulative effect but now!  Now I have a voice!  And I’m not afraid to use it!

And I want to use it!  I want to use my voice to help other people find theirs!  So many people are in positions similar to where I came from with no idea what their rights are or how to defend themselves when they’re being mistreated.

Now I must develop this voice that I’ve found and learn to use it to help others.  I don’t actually know how to go about becoming an advocate.  Do I have to go back to school?  Would I need to be a licensed social worker?  But they say the first step is the hardest.  It’s taken 39 years but I finally know what I’m passionate about.  Now I get to make a life of it!


Posted on November 3, 2011, in Random Musings, Sherry. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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