An open letter to my friend who insists her child was damaged by vaccines

Dear friend,

My dear, dear friend.  I’m not going to tell you your child wasn’t damaged by vaccines.  Frankly, I don’t know.  Nobody knows all there is to know about autism and I certainly don’t know (or care to know) your child’s medical history.  I can’t and won’t try to argue with you.

No, what I want to tell you is how I see your comments about your child and autism because I know you don’t see what I do.  This is why I’ll say “I infer” rather than “You imply”.

When you say that vaccines damaged your child, I read your child is damaged and not who she was born to be.  I read that you think your child is a medical mistake.  I read that your child is not part of God’s plan.

Do you really believe that?  That your child is a mistake?  That she is not who God created her to be?

More importantly, have you told her that?  I can’t imagine being a teenager with a neurological/cognitive/emotional disability and being told by my mother that everything that makes me who I am is damaged and a mistake and outside of God’s plan.  I had a bad enough attitude as a teenager.  With that kind of baggage I would have been intolerable.

As I’m sure you remember, both of my kids are autistic.  I have no reason to believe it was caused by any external factors.  Nor do I have reason to care.  If vaccines caused their autism, then I’m grateful to vaccine makers for not only keeping my kids from getting devastating illnesses but also helping make them the wonderful people they are.  My children are who they were born to be.  We certainly have our problems, especially my older child (aye-yi-yi, have we had our problems!), but that doesn’t define our relationship.  Unconditional love defines our relationship.

I think all parents go through a mourning phase where they have to accept that children will be who they are and not who we dreamed of them being.  I think that’s harder for special needs parents.  I also think it’s more important we let go of the anger and sense of loss and get back to the task of accepting and loving our kids for who they are.  Unconditionally.  Without reservations.  Without regrets.  Without expectations.  Definitely without the poison of anger.

I know you love your child.  Does she?  Not just in words but in every action of your being?  Does she KNOW?

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Posted on August 8, 2017, in Asperger's, Autism, Health and Fitness, PDD-NOS, Religious, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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